Overly-long sentences can be confusing and exhausting and ultimately obscure your message. But sentences that are too brief can interfere with the flow of the writing. Take these sentences, for example:
- The CEO introduced the new manufacturing plan. The plan had been devised by an outside consultant. The consultant had successfully devised similar plans for other companies.
A smoother version: The CEO introduced the new manufacturing plan, which was devised by an outside consultant who had created similar plans for other companies.
- Venice is a charming city. It is a city made of islands. It has several canals. It is also the home of great Renaissance art.
A smoother version: Venice, a charming city made of islands and bisected by several canals, is the home of great Renaissance art.
- The human mind and body are not separate entities. Instead they are one. They are different aspects of the same person.
A smoother version: Rather than being separate entities, the human mind and body are one, different aspects of the same person.
These original sentences are clear and to the point, but make for choppy, annoying reading and force the readers to wade through extra words. In each of the three cases above, the rewritten sentences are shorter than the originals, and far easier to read.
So remember:
- Instead of, “She has cramps in the shoulder. They are not there all the time, but only occur occasionally,” use, “She has occasional cramps in the shoulder.”
- Instead of, “There are glitches in the new program. The glitches harm production and sales,” use, “Glitches in the new program harm production and sales.”
- Instead of, “The Senator introduced a bill. The bill is new. It deals with pollution,” use, “The Senator introduced a new bill that deals with pollution.”
And, when appropriate, try to combine phrases within a sentence. For example, instead of writing, “The production run was shortened by a problem; it was a scheduling problem,” use, “The production run was shortened by a scheduling problem.”
Instead of writing, “The riot police were sent, they had been instructed to disperse the protestors,” use, “Riot police who had been instructed to disperse the protestors were sent.”
Combining mini-sentences and joining short phrases can make for much more interesting and easy to read sentences.
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Nadine Taylor and Barry Fox write, ghostwrite, rewrite and edit books in many genres, including health, business, inspiration/ spirituality and memoirs. Their resume is long and varied but there’s one thing that never changes: They love to work with words, creating books that are clear, compelling and pleasurable to read. If you’re interested in writing a book, editing a book and/or publishing a book, you’ve come to the right place!
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