MAKE YOUR WRITING SING! Lay Things Out Logically

When you have a lot of information to present, a laundry list is convenient for the writer but not always helpful to the readers. For example:

“After being infected with the never-before-seen germ, she suffered from hallucinations, stomachaches, laughing spells, urinary difficulties, a runny nose and was diagnosed with asthma. She had depression, shortness of breath, diarrhea, occasional feelings of faintness, ringing in the ears, a stuffy nose and occasional spells of deafness. She became anxious, was often manic and sometimes light-headed, and was diagnosed as suffering from Bipolar Disease.

There’s a lot of information in that paragraph. The readers get the general idea: 17 different symptoms or diseases apparently triggered by one mysterious germ. But the symptoms are simply dumped into the paragraph in no apparent order, making it difficult to group them or draw conclusions. Suppose the paragraph were rewritten as follows:

“After being infected with a germ that had never been seen before, she suffered from a variety of physical and psychological symptoms. The physical symptoms included stomachaches, diarrhea, urinary difficulties, shortness of breath, a nose that alternated between runny and stuffed, occasional feelings of faintness and light-headedness, ringing in the ears and occasional spells of deafness. The psychological symptoms consisted of hallucinations, depression, laughing spells, anxiety and mania. She was diagnosed as suffering from both asthma and Bipolar Disease.”

In the rewritten paragraph, the readers are told in the first sentence that the symptoms fall into two categories (physical and psychological). The physical symptoms are then listed, followed by the psychological, and then the physical and psychological diagnoses are presented. Arranging the information this way makes it much easier for the readers to absorb.

Consider this disorganized passage:

He was hired as division head in 2005. His primary task was to reorganize the division. His had direct access to the CEO. He went on to the factory floor every day to talk to the workers. His salary was $250,000 per year, and he held a managers’ meeting early every morning. Immediately upon beginning work he fired most of the existing managerial staff, and promoted some floor workers to managerial positions. He brought in new managers to replace most of the ones he fired. He was told to report to the CEO regularly to ensure he received the support he needed. He was very interested in hearing ideas from the workers. He was promised bonuses if he could restore the division to profitability.

It’s hard for the readers to absorb all the information because it’s strewn about in the paragraph. Organizing it logically helps the readers take it all in. For example:

He was brought in as division head in 2005, charged with reorganizing the division and making it profitable once again. His salary was $250,000 per year, with very large bonuses if he restored the division to profitability. To help ensure this happened and that he received the support he needed, he was given direct access to the CEO and told to report regularly. Immediately upon beginning work, he fired most of the existing managerial staff, brought in new managers to replace most of those he fired, and promoted some floor workers to managerial positions. He went onto the factory floor every day because he was interested in hearing ideas from the workers.

This is not necessarily the only way the paragraph could be revised, but it does present the information logically:

• The man was hired and given a specific task.
• He was given a salary and large bonuses as incentive for restoring the division to profitability.
• He was given access to the top and told to report regularly.
• He replaced most of the managerial staff.
• He interacted with the workers.

There is no single, perfect way to organize information in a paragraph. It might be presented chronically, by category, by person or in any other way that makes sense and is easy for the readers to comprehend and absorb.

We at Taylor-Fox can help you create your business book, health book, memoir, biography, inspirational book or other book and get it ready for publication. We’ve helped scores of people achieve their goals, and some of their books have landed on bestseller lists. Call us at 818-594-0379.