MAKE YOUR WRITING SING! Favor Active Sentences

What’s the difference between active and passive voice? Consider this set of sentences:

1. Kristen hired Greg.
2. Greg was hired by Kristen.

Each sentence has an actor; a person or entity performing an action (Kristen). Each sentence also has an action (hiring) and someone or something acted upon (Greg).

While the two sentences above provide the same information, there’s a difference. In the first, the actor and action are highlighted (“Kristen hired…”), making it an active sentence. In the second, the actor and action are muted, giving precedence to the person who was acted upon (Greg), making it a passive sentence.

You can see the active/passive difference in more complex sentences. For example:

• “Knowing that financial success depended upon better marketing, Kristen strengthened the marketing department by hiring Greg, who had established a reputation as a quirky yet very successful marketer.”
• “Greg, a highly-regarded, quirky, yet very successful marketer, was hired by Kristen who, knowing that financial success depended upon better marketing, wanted to strengthen the marketing department.”

These sentences are both in past tense and contain a fair amount of supporting information, but the key piece of information remains the same: Kristen hired and Greg was hired. The first sentence is still active, the second passive.

Active and passive sentences don’t have to contain human actors. For example:

• Active – The germ killed Fred.
• Passive – Fred was killed by the germ.

• Active – The wind blew Melanie off her feet.
• Passive – Melanie was blown off her feet by the wind.

• Active – The economic downturn destroyed the hopes of millions of people.
• Passive – Millions of people had their hopes destroyed by the economic downturn.

Does it matter whether a sentence is active or passive? It certainly does. Active sentences focus the reader’s attention on the actor, while passive sentences highlight the action. Same information, totally different emphasis.

Which is better in nonfiction book writing? As a general rule, active sentences are preferable because they “push” the action forward by keeping the readers focused on the actor. But passive voice can be a better choice when the actor is less important than the person/thing acted upon or the result. For example:

• The longest bridge in the world was built by Doheny Builders.
• The movie “Chinatown” was created by a team of writers.
• Based on the test results, the building was declared safe.

Passive voice can also be used to vary the rhythm of the sentences. For example: “The drill sergeant met the new recruits at the depot, intimidating them with his voice and manner. The combat trainers put the recruits through an exhausting series of exercises, and the classroom instructors forced them to master intricate battle tactics.” After two active sentences, a passive one is a nice change: “Then, expertly trained and equipped with the best weapons, the soldiers were sent into battle.”

There are times when passive voice is necessary because we don’t know who the actor was. For example, “The health-enhancing abilities of herbs were noted early in human history.”

And finally, passive voice may allow you to say exactly what you want to say: “Our weather is predicted by a very funny weatherman,” or “Wastes are removed from the water by an intricate system of physical and chemical filters.”

In general, however, favor active voice in your writing, using passive when necessary and for variety. But watch out for sentences that are so passive they become unreadable:

“Posing for videos was enjoyed by the natives, except in certain tribes in which it was believed that the taking of pictures destroyed the person’s soul.” Three passive constructions in one sentence (“was enjoyed by the natives,” “in which it was believed” and “the taking of pictures”) makes the sentence awkward. Instead, try: “The natives enjoyed posing for videos, except those belonging to certain tribes that believed picture- taking destroyed their souls.”

We at Taylor-Fox can help you create your business book, health book, memoir, biography, inspirational book or other book and get it ready for publication. We’ve helped scores of people achieve their goals, and some of their books have landed on bestseller lists. Call us at 818-594-0379.